I hate all girls vehemently.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
