i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
