sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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