Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
tell me about the fingering
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
