I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize