where am i from again
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
