Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
