it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
