she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
