Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
