Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
