the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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