Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
