Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
