Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
