so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
last night I used snow as a chaser
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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