I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
