Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
