The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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