Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
