planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
