That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
