I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
