Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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