maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
