watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
