this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
