He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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