Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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