Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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