oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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