I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
