Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
