his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
