I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
