i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
