You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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