I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
