Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
