States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
