bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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