party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
