He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
