Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
