I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
