Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
