i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
