You just made me feel so damn special
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
