today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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