Don't make out with my wife yet
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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