Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
