I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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