she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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