It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
