i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
