Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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