he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
