remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
