dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
