I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
