So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
time to smoke my breakfast
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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