he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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