my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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