dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize