I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
