He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
two words...techno handjob
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
