You really coming over, don't trick.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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