ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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