Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
