You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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