i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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