if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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